INT. A NEWSROOM MADE UP TO LOOK LIKE A SCHOOLROOM - DAY

A gaggle of excitable film fans cram themselves behind the painfully small wooden desks, each one emitting a squeak of discomfort. They look oddly excited, considering the usual standard of the lessons.

RICK BURIN enters. He is dressed in a mortar board and cape (and other clothes as well). He looks like a cross between Will Hay and Shirley Temple. He is presumably supposed to be a schoolteacher. For some reason he's got a cane, which he's jabbing against the floor.

RICK
Good morning, class, and welcome to the newly-retitled Films on Friday, the guide which gives you:

* Films on TV listings for the coming week
* Our DVD of the Week, this week featuring a '40s murder mystery with former child star Deanna Durbin
* Terrible jokes
* Constant references to the Charlie Chan movies made by Fox in the '30s and '40s (just one this week, mind, and that's on page three)
* A warm glow that accompanies you throughout the week

This week's Films on TV guide promises Dana Andrews as one of cinema's toughest cops, a little-seen British classic from the '80s and Jack Nicholson questioning Tom Cruise's ability to handle the truth. But can it deliver? Well you'll have to read on to find out.

***

From the Mailbag

Your correspondence is, as ever, most welcome. Emails to rick.burin@ypn.co.uk. Thanking you.

***

Films on TV - Your guide to the week ahead
Aug 29 to Sep 4

SATURDAY, AUGUST 29

The glorious time-travel adventure Back to the Future finished with a title-card claiming "To be continued". It was just a gag, but audiences took it to heart, and four years later director Robert Zemeckis bowed to demand by serving up a second helping. That devilishly clever sequel (which I'd say is even better) ended on a cliffhanger, with Marty McFly stranded in 1955. Here he recruits the '50s incarnation of his old friend, wide-eyed eccentric Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) to help him save the future Brown, who's gone back to the Old West and is set to die at a gunfighter's hand. Still with me? Oh well, it makes sense in the movie. The action set pieces are great, but the spoofy elements betray a certain poverty of invention and Zemeckis spends a peculiar amount of time taking off the minor Jimmy Stewart Western The Rare Breed, a pastiche that will surely be lost on young audiences, and most older ones. Still, Back to the Future III (1990, ITV1, 4.50pm) is decent family fun, with enough thrills, spills and good-heartedness to compensate for its many shortcomings. It's always nice to see Mary Steenburgen too. She plays Doc Brown's love interest. (3/5)

Tom Stoppard's fine play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (1988, BBC2, 1am SUN) shoved Hamlet's peripheral characters to centre stage. There are shades of Waiting For Godot as the pair bicker and play games, passing the time between their few acts as plot catalysts. Initially trivial exercises escalate into convoluted ruminations on life, death and the nature of being. And vice versa. Coin tossing causes Guildenstern to question whether time itself has stopped. A talk about death inspires Rosencrantz to wonder if his toenails ever really grow at all. The movie version is essentially a filmed play, though there's the odd attempt to open it up, allowing the protagonists to stroll around the castle and its grounds, and eavesdrop a smidgen more. The acting is variable. Tim Roth is well cast as bossy, sardonic Rosencrantz, Gary Oldman (prior to his degeneration into a mass of twitches) is winningly goofy as his sidekick and Iain Glen makes for a good Hamlet in his supporting role, but Richard Dreyfuss is all wrong as the leader of the players and the rest of the cast lacks distinction. This one could also do with more cinematic flavour to complement the writer's dazzling wordplay, though if you're new to the work, it's a decent introduction. (3/5)

German, hulking, bald, dictatorial and often staggeringly brilliant behind the camera, he also had a career as an actor, playing a Teutonic commandant in one of the best films of its decade. Who... is... that... man? Sorry, that's the gameshow host in me. Well, in addition to Grand Illusion star Erich von Stroheim, that description can be applied to Otto Preminger, an inconsistent director who nevertheless made as large an imprint on film noir as any other helmer. Where the Sidewalk Ends (1950, Film4, 11am) was the last of three crime classics he made with star Dana Andrews, following Laura and Fallen Angel. No-one else likes Fallen Angel, it's just me. But most people like Where the Sidewalk Ends, and I think you will too. Andrews is a brutal cop not averse to beating confessions out of suspects. When he accidentally kills a suspect, he starts scheming, and crashes into the lives of taxi driver Gary Merrill (who's accused of the crime) and his glamorous daughter Gene Tierney. It's suspenseful, loaded with great dialogue from legendary screenwriter Ben Hecht, and aided by punchy performances and stylish direction. My only quibble is with the final quarter, where the narrative becomes fractured and slightly improbable. It's still something special. (5/5)

"Home Alone... but with a baby" (in place of Culkin, not the crooks). That must have been how the dreadful Baby's Day Out (1994, Film4, 2.55pm) was pitched to the studio. But while that earlier film – and sequel – have some appeal to kids, I'd be surprised if this one does. I wasn't the most discerning 11-year-old and I remember thinking it was terrible even then. I watched it again with my cousins during a gloriously lazy holiday in my late teens and thought the same. No brains, no laughs and, crucially, no fun. (1/5)


SUNDAY, AUGUST 30

I'll be mightily surprised if you haven't seen Titanic (1997, Five, 7pm) which, not taking into account inflation (and who doesn't take into account inflation?), is the highest grossing film of all time. Clifton Webb and Barbara Stanwyck are the – no they're not, it's obviously not that one. Leonardo DiCaprio is the bohemian layabout who wows Kate Winslet with his drawings of one-legged prostitutes, en route to a date with an iceberg. The praise lavished on the film upon release was only surpassed by the vicious backlash that pitched in a few months later, and still hasn't abated. I'm still adding my voice to the first crowd. This is a stunning blockbuster that tells a compelling story with tremendous flair. Only a gung-ho attitude to the facts and the odd duff line spoil the entertainment. Pretty great. (5/5) Five may have to cut it, as it's certificate 12A.

Over on ITV3, there's almost nine hours of Carry On "fun", with five movies from the series back to back. Why not spend the time wondering whether there's anything that sounds less appealing.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004, Film4, 1pm) was a real sleeper hit, making back 100 times its budget in the US alone. It's a deceptively clever comedy about an uber-geek's forays into the worlds of work, romance and student politics. Jon Hader plays our hero, greeting every perceived sleight with an exasperated "Gosh!", and making the most of an original, frequently hilarious script. Jon Gries, who plays Napoleon's uncle, was the kid in the classic western Will Penny. (4/5)

More? MORE? How could you possibly want more? When Oliver Twist (2005, Film4, 2.35pm) hit theatres, I wondered aloud what purpose another helping of Dickens' pickpocket yarn could possibly serve (puns all intended, I'm sorry). Incredibly we got another portion on TV in late 2007. Polanski's 2005 effort suffers from the same flaws as the others - Oliver's character is a cipher, the characters are largely one-dimensional... - and adds a couple of its own: Ben Kingsley's silly, offensive performance ("Orrivurrh, Orrivurrh"), and an overbearing feeling of pointlessness. Not bad, just unnecessary, though the period detail is quite impressive. (2/5)


BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY, AUGUST 31

Five continue their unusually strong line-up of mainstream fare with slick courtroom thriller A Few Good Men (1992, Five, 10pm), remembered largely today for Jack Nicholson's truth-themed rant (apparently some people can't handle it). The cast is 1992's idea of stellar, headed by Tom Cruise and Demi Moore, with the usual strong support from Kevin Bacon and the era's favourite villain, J.T. Walsh. The writer-director combo of Aaron Sorkin and Rob Reiner went on to make The American President. It's unexpectedly involving, with the two-hours-plus running time flying by. (4/5)

Kill Bill, Vol. 1 (2005, ITV1, 11pm) is high-octane stuff, with several minor diversions into soul-searching. As such, it's powered by a suitable, seemingly relentless use of music both throbbing (Santa Esmeralda's superb version of 'Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood') and melancholy (Nancy Sinatra, Bernard Herrmann). This was Tarantino's first film as director for eight years, following the underwhelming Jackie Brown, and his singular style (complete with neat tracking shots scored to hip songs) is much in evidence. It's an invigorating revenge yarn, a heady fusion of graphic violence and hip dialogue that's hampered by a notable lack of depth, as former hitwoman Uma Thurman tracks down the comrades who put her fiancé in the grave and a bullet in her brain. While the fight scenes are nicely choreographed and extremely well directed, the practitioners clearly lack the skill levels that make Hong Kong kung fu flicks so impressive. This is also a movie that fails to reward repeat viewings, since there's virtually nothing going on beneath the surface. (3/5)

And in the morning, today's Freeview highlight:

All About Eve (1950, Film4, 11am) is pure class, a tale of skullduggery, envy and star-making that focuses on veteran Broadway actress Margo Channing (Bette Davis) and the young thing who idolises her (Anne Baxter). This is a must-see, with ingenious plotting, one of the ten best scripts in American movies (your nominations welcome) and a cast that's chock-full to the brim with brilliance. Davis was never better, while George Sanders won a well-deserved Oscar as the poisonous Addison de Witt. Thelma Ritter and Celeste Holm give the film a bit of heart, and there's a bit from Marilyn Monroe as a starlet. This is writer-director Joseph L. Mankiewicz at his considerable best. (5/5)


For TUE to FRI picks, please click on the link below right.